Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
