You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
