i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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