He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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