I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
