Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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