She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
