So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
