I'm really into asian looking animals
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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