they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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