When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
