Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
