Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
