just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
