so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
