Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Randomize
