You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
