dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
