how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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