This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
