she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
