Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
