HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
