Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
