The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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