i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
