yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize