Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
