I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
