i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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