I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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