I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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