he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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