look no pants
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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