Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
