you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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