i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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