D3 body, D1 cock
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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