I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
