My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
