I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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