the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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