I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
