if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
