Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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