You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
