i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
