If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
