I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
