mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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