did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
