Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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