I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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