the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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