It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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