I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
