and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
