Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
