I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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