What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
