Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
