Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
