Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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