Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
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I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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