Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
