hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
