After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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