and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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