Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
