I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
