I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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