I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
