I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
