My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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